BindyJJnSwitch

It's been a tough week.

We've passed one of many milestones along the maternal grieving path. Joshua and Jacob were due on the 26th. I'd set myself up for a quiet day working from home by way of doing maintenance work at 1am. It's a good thing I was at home. Close friend K's hubby S rang and told me that their baby had arrived. The call knocked me for a six. I howled for a good hour or so. Quite a primal howl, not a cry, a realisation that my babies should be home now. K and I's due dates were so similar that our pregnancies were shared, ultrasound appointments were lined up in conjunction with girly coffee and shopping jaunts. I feel that my babies were also her babies and I have a connection of sorts to her baby boy. A strange feeling to have I suppose, perhaps its a way of sharing the experience around.

I visited K and and bub on Thursday, once they had gotten back home. I was expecting to really go to pieces. I do think that in this case the counsellor helped bolster me for the first meeting. Hopefully I'll get to see more of K, S and bub soon.

So last cycle was officially a bust despite the 36 hours of full-on nausea, exhaustion and temping indicators. Oh well, on the bike again this month. I am so desperate to bring home a brother or sister for Joshua and Jacob. I want it now!

posted by Bindy @ 10:39 AM